Common Mistakes in Sleep Training
Sleep training is a hot topic for so many parents, but let’s be honest—it can feel super confusing and even a little overwhelming to figure out. What works wonders for one family might not click at all for another, and that’s totally okay. That’s why I always remind my clients: sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every child has their own unique medical and developmental background and sleep issues, and every family has their own goals. That said, there are some key rules that make all the difference when it comes to sleep training success.
Check out the list below to ensure you are doing things correctly:
1. Timing: When embarking on the sleep training journey there are two things you need to keep into account regarding timing: is this a right time for YOU and is it a right time for your CHILD? What does this. Mean?
a. Let’s talk first about you. Is this a good time for you and your family? Are you in the process of moving? Is your partner in the middle of a big work project? Is there something else big going on in your personal bubble that requires attention, which will in turn divert it from your sleep training plan. Often when we have a lot of other things going on, we are under pressure and tired, and then that will cause us to be inconsistent in our training and we won’t follow through.
b. Is this the right time for your child? Is your little one old enough to embark on the journey of learning how to self soothe? Or is your little one still considered too young (under the age of 4 months) and isn’t developmentally ready? There are no studies that link success of sleep training or suggestions backed up by research that you should be doing any sleep training those first 4 months. You want to make sure your little one is *at least* 19 weeks old (adjusted age) before you embark on any sleep training. This also means that if you start sleep training and your child isn’t responding well, your baby may not be ready and it’s best to wait a little longer.
2. Drowsy but awake: Many parents misinterpret this phrase. They believe that the child must be at a very drowsy state to be placed into the crib. It’s the opposite. The idea is that when your little one goes into the crib at bedtime, they must be awake. But IF your child has reached a drowsy/tired state, they MUST be awake. Your baby must be fully awake, aware, and alert, and know he’s entering his crib. This will allow him to learn the skill of self-soothing and putting himself to sleep at the onset of sleep. Because if he learns how to do it at bedtime, those middle of the night wakenings will get easier for him. Knowing your child’s wake windows is helpful for this.
3. Not consistent: Our little ones thrive on consistency. It’s how they learn, grow, and even feel safe. Haven’t you ever noticed on your little one wants you to read the same book over and over again? It’s because they know what’s coming up, and they enjoy it. There’s no real surprise, which makes them feel sometimes uneasy. Same with their daily lives. Our kids like the consistency of schedules and routines, with nap times and feeding times. But when it comes to sleep training, many parents often can’t stay consistent as the crying can throw them off, and parents respond differently. When we respond inconsistently our child isn’t learning quickly because they are confused on what they need to do. So let’s say your child is crying and you decide to leave him be to figure it out. But the next time your child is crying you go in and pick him up. And then the following wake up you nurse your baby. This can be very confusing for your little one and can delay the progress.
4. Not giving it enough time: Hearing your little one cry is hard. And hearing them cry for long periods of time is even harder. But when doing sleep training, if you are doing it correctly, your child is learning in the process and the crying decreases. You are responding consistently in a way that teaches them the new behavior. But what parent often don’t realize is that this takes time. Changing a behavior and learning a new habit takes time. Especially for the older ones who have been used to something for a while. For a 3-year-old to suddenly not get rocked to sleep, is hard. Imagine, your little one has been rocked for THREE YEARS, every night, and now you suddenly stop. Of course, your little one will cry. So, my advice: give your child some time to learn the new habit. Understand that things don’t just change in 1 hour or overnight. If you are doing correctly, you will see the improvements within 4-5 nights.
5. Sealing the deal: This is one many of us do without even realizing we’re doing. Our little one cries, and cries and we get to the point where we do one extra thing to have him stop crying, but it also does what we call ‘seals the deal’ and gets him to fall asleep. This can be, just flipping him over when he should be doing it on their own. Or one extra pick up to get him to a drowsy state. Or re-inserting the pacifier and rubbing his back a little more. The issue with this, is that after crying for periods of time, we end up helping our little one fall asleep, which is something we shouldn’t be doing. We can and should reassure our little one in this process. But what we shouldn’t be doing is helping them to fall asleep as this is what they need to learn how to do on their own.
Are you still struggling with sleep training after reading this? Let’s talk!