Common Mistakes in Sleep Training

Sleep training is a hot topic for so many parents, but let’s be honest—it can feel super confusing and even a little overwhelming to figure out. What works wonders for one family might not click at all for another, and that’s totally okay. That’s why I always remind my clients: sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every child has their own unique medical and developmental background and sleep issues, and every family has their own goals. That said, there are some key rules that make all the difference when it comes to sleep training success.

Check out the list below to ensure you are doing things correctly:

1.     Timing: When embarking on the sleep training journey there are two things you need to keep into account regarding timing: is this a right time for YOU and is it a right time for your CHILD? What does this. Mean?

a.     Let’s talk first about you. Is this a good time for you and your family? Are you in the process of moving? Is your partner in the middle of a big work project? Is there something else big going on in your personal bubble that requires attention, which will in turn divert it from your sleep training plan. Often when we have a lot of other things going on, we are under pressure and tired, and then that will cause us to be inconsistent in our training and we won’t follow through.

b.     Is this the right time for your child? Is your little one old enough to embark on the journey of learning how to self soothe? Or is your little one still considered too young (under the age of 4 months) and isn’t developmentally ready? There are no studies that link success of sleep training or suggestions backed up by research that you should be doing any sleep training those first 4 months. You want to make sure your little one is *at least* 19 weeks old (adjusted age) before you embark on any sleep training. This also means that if you start sleep training and your child isn’t responding well, your baby may not be ready and it’s best to wait a little longer.  

2.     Drowsy but awake: Many parents misinterpret this phrase. They believe that the child must be at a very drowsy state to be placed into the crib. It’s the opposite. The idea is that when your little one goes into the crib at bedtime, they must be awake. But IF your child has reached a drowsy/tired state, they MUST be awake. Your baby must be fully awake, aware, and alert, and know he’s entering his crib. This will allow him to learn the skill of self-soothing and putting himself to sleep at the onset of sleep. Because if he learns how to do it at bedtime, those middle of the night wakenings will get easier for him. Knowing your child’s wake windows is helpful for this.

3.     Not consistent: Our little ones thrive on consistency. It’s how they learn, grow, and even feel safe. Haven’t you ever noticed on your little one wants you to read the same book over and over again? It’s because they know what’s coming up, and they enjoy it. There’s no real surprise, which makes them feel sometimes uneasy. Same with their daily lives. Our kids like the consistency of schedules and routines, with nap times and feeding times. But when it comes to sleep training, many parents often can’t stay consistent as the crying can throw them off, and parents respond differently. When we respond inconsistently our child isn’t learning quickly because they are confused on what they need to do. So let’s say your child is crying and you decide to leave him be to figure it out. But the next time your child is crying you go in and pick him up. And then the following wake up you nurse your baby. This can be very confusing for your little one and can delay the progress.

4.     Not giving it enough time: Hearing your little one cry is hard. And hearing them cry for long periods of time is even harder. But when doing sleep training, if you are doing it correctly, your child is learning in the process and the crying decreases. You are responding consistently in a way that teaches them the new behavior. But what parent often don’t realize is that this takes time. Changing a behavior and learning a new habit takes time. Especially for the older ones who have been used to something for a while. For a 3-year-old to suddenly not get rocked to sleep, is hard. Imagine, your little one has been rocked for THREE YEARS, every night, and now you suddenly stop. Of course, your little one will cry. So, my advice: give your child some time to learn the new habit. Understand that things don’t just change in 1 hour or overnight. If you are doing correctly, you will see the improvements within 4-5 nights.

5.     Sealing the deal: This is one many of us do without even realizing we’re doing. Our little one cries, and cries and we get to the point where we do one extra thing to have him stop crying, but it also does what we call ‘seals the deal’ and gets him to fall asleep. This can be, just flipping him over when he should be doing it on their own. Or one extra pick up to get him to a drowsy state. Or re-inserting the pacifier and rubbing his back a little more. The issue with this, is that after crying for periods of time, we end up helping our little one fall asleep, which is something we shouldn’t be doing. We can and should reassure our little one in this process. But what we shouldn’t be doing is helping them to fall asleep as this is what they need to learn how to do on their own.

Are you still struggling with sleep training after reading this? Let’s talk!

Getting Sleep Back On Track After Vacation

Summer is always a love/hate relationship for me. I LOVE the fact that there’s no schedule, no running around with carpool and pick-ups, and no waking up early. The feeling of not being rushed all day. Late nights, lazy days, and sometimes even getting to travel, is a good way to reset minds and bodies in the middle of the year. Of course, there’s always the hard part; when my kids are home and I’m trying to get any sort of work done and I keep hearing the words “I’m bored” or “I’m hungry.”  

Regardless of how you’ve spent your summer days, getting back into the routine of early morning wake ups, and going to school, can sometimes be a hard adjustment for all.

 But don’t worry! You can get you and your family back on track. Below are a few tips:

1.     Allow some days of ‘down time’ between travel and school starting: Try scheduling your return flight a few days before school starts to acclimate being home. This is helpful if you’re coming back from a different time zone and need some time for the little ones to adjust to the new time. If you’re able to, try having your kids do some ‘down time’ days prior to school starting. A few days back at home, where there’s no travel, no late nights, and sometimes even no daily runaround can help everyone settle down.

2.     Go back to your normal bedtime routines: Make sure to go back to your regular bedtime routine to help your child wind down and transition to an earlier sleep schedule. A lot of times during the summer we’re out late and skipping our regular bedtime routine. We have late night BBQ’s, or traveling through the city and hanging out with family and friends, that we want to take advantage of as much sunlight as possible. Often, kids are going to sleep much later than the norm. Bedtime routines are often skipped, and bringing back the consistent and predictable bedtime routine will help our little ones transition smoother.

3.     Adjust schedules: From day one when you return from your travels, make sure to back to your child’s regular sleep schedule. Naps, wake windows, bedtimes, are all very important to adhere to, to make sure you have a smooth transition. No more late bedtimes or late wake ups. Try waking your little one up in the morning, so they don’t sleep in late anymore. Try to enforce earlier bedtimes, by slowly moving bedtime earlier. If possible, try to create a little more of a structure throughout the day, especially in the morning wake up and right before bedtime (like no late night TV and screens).

4.     Restart sleep training: This one is sometimes the hardest part. You’ve had a great sleeper before traveling, and you now have a child with a sleep regression. If you’ve created new habits around sleep, that are different than what your child is used to at home, it is possible that your child will need a reminder of what they are capable of doing and what the sleep expectations are at home. For example, if you found yourself rocking your child to sleep, co-sleeping, or you’ve even introduced a new night feed, you will need to remove these new sleep crutches with sleep training. Often, for those who were great sleepers before, this shouldn’t take long.

If you’re finding it hard to get back into the swing of things, let’s talk! Don’t worry! You can always travel and enjoy your summer and get back into the school routine. I’m here to help you through that process!

two-year-old & Sleep Issues

Toddlerhood can sometimes be hard, but at the same time it can be really amazing to watch your child unfold. Seeing your little one transform into a little person with interests, wants, and needs, is often fun to watch. Around 2 years old, their speech really develops and your child goes from single phrases, to putting words together into sentences. Their brain is developing rapidly, and they have a newfound way of communicating. However, this can also cause tantrums and frustrations in their daily life. Sometimes parents will also see it affect their sleep, as the kids now knows how to stall and request more at bedtime. I often get calls from parents who’ve had ‘perfect sleepers’ and all of a sudden, their child is no longer sleeping.

What are common issues that arise at this age and how can you address them?

Stalling & Protesting Bedtime:

 My husband always used to ask me ‘why are the boys protesting brushing their teeth, if it’s something they do EVERY night and they know they need to? It’s not like it’s something new!?’ And it’s so true! Why are they protesting?....This is mostly your little one asserting their independence. Using their new verbal skills to see if they can get away with doing something they don’t want to do. Doing something that means it’s time to end the day. Some toddlers will push back on bedtime, by requesting more and more books, or one more hug. Or even some water and trips to the bathroom. So how can you ensure that bedtime doesn’t fall apart?

1. Set up a routine: If you haven’t done so already, set up a regular bedtime routine that helps your child transition from playtime to sleepy time. This is crucial, as your child needs time to transition and unwind before sleep.

2. Make it short: Don’t deviate from the routine. Make sure you have the routine set up and while you don’t want to rush through it, you don’t want to let it run too long. Once the routine starts, it shouldn’t take more than about 15 minutes (teeth brushing, potty, books, cuddles, and tuck in).

3. Make it fun: Bringing some spark into the routine always helps keep it a little less stressful, especially at the end of the day when everyone is tired.

4. Provide choices: Having your child have some input on the routine, helps them feel independent, and part of the routine. Rather than being told what to do with everything. Have your child choose the books, or where you’ll be reading them.

5. Set limits and follow through: While this is the hardest, you need to make sure you set up limits. If you’ve told your little one there’s only 2 books and now they’re requesting one more, you cannot give in! Once you give in once, this just opens the door to more requests.

Bedtime Callbacks:

 With this newfound verbal requests, often comes your little one requesting you to come back after you’ve tucked them in. I remember with my two older boys, they always knew what to say to my husband and I to get us to come back. To my husband: ‘let me tell you what I did today.’ To me: ‘one more hug mami.’ Bedtime is often hard as it signifies the day is ending and for our little ones it includes separating from mom and dad. They know how to start requesting different things to get you to come back, and we often fall into the trap.

1. Respond consistently: This is always the number one rule in ensuring your child’s sleep doesn’t fall apart. Whether that means you’re doing a quick check/reassurance, or telling your child you’ll check on them before you go to sleep. Try not to engage in the requests and do a quick check in without starting to scream and negotiate.   

2. Call out last one: While reading the last book in the routine, or while tucking your little one in and giving  a hug, remind your child that it’s the ‘last one (hug, tuck, kiss etc).’ Giving them a heads up that there will be no more books, kisses, tuck ins etc., can help avoid the more requests later on.

3. Don’t give into requests: And of course, do NOT do what your child is asking you to do. Often we fall into the trap. And we must be careful to tell our kids we will not do it, and stick to our words. You can redirect and say ‘we can read that book tomorrow morning at breakfast.’

You’re Stuck Laying Down With Them To Fall Asleep:

 Around this age, many parents end up moving their little one into a bed. As you all know, I don’t suggest doing this until your child is 3 years old, or older. The change from a crib to an open bed, is a very big one. Sometimes our little ones gets scared, or starts coming out of their bed and this is when parents will often end up lying down with their child in their bed to get them to stay and fall asleep. Try not to start this habit, as it can cause sleep regressions.

1. Behavioral Clock: Behavioral Clocks are a great tool in teaching your child when is bedtime and when is wake up time. A nightlight that teaches your child when it’s OK to come out of the bed/room and when it’s OK start their day.

2. Gate or latch: I don’t suggest locking the door to your child’s door, as this can cause some anxiety at this age. Rather, I suggest putting up a gate or latch at the door, so the door can remain open (or open enough) so your little one can see the hallway and some light, and feel comfortable in the room.

3. Reassurance: While we want to reassure, we have to be careful on what we’re doing to reassure. Responding is necessary, but how you do it should be minimal or enough not to create a new sleep crutch. Whether that’s going to the doorway to remind them they’re OK and it’s bedtime. Or sitting in the room by the door to comfort them. Of course, if you do decide to do this method, you have to make sure you work your way out of the room so that you’re not stuck sitting in the room all night.

Did your little one just turn 2? Are you seeing any of these new habits start forming? Let’s talk!