two-year-old & Sleep Issues

Toddlerhood can sometimes be hard, but at the same time it can be really amazing to watch your child unfold. Seeing your little one transform into a little person with interests, wants, and needs, is often fun to watch. Around 2 years old, their speech really develops and your child goes from single phrases, to putting words together into sentences. Their brain is developing rapidly, and they have a newfound way of communicating. However, this can also cause tantrums and frustrations in their daily life. Sometimes parents will also see it affect their sleep, as the kids now knows how to stall and request more at bedtime. I often get calls from parents who’ve had ‘perfect sleepers’ and all of a sudden, their child is no longer sleeping.

What are common issues that arise at this age and how can you address them?

Stalling & Protesting Bedtime:

 My husband always used to ask me ‘why are the boys protesting brushing their teeth, if it’s something they do EVERY night and they know they need to? It’s not like it’s something new!?’ And it’s so true! Why are they protesting?....This is mostly your little one asserting their independence. Using their new verbal skills to see if they can get away with doing something they don’t want to do. Doing something that means it’s time to end the day. Some toddlers will push back on bedtime, by requesting more and more books, or one more hug. Or even some water and trips to the bathroom. So how can you ensure that bedtime doesn’t fall apart?

1. Set up a routine: If you haven’t done so already, set up a regular bedtime routine that helps your child transition from playtime to sleepy time. This is crucial, as your child needs time to transition and unwind before sleep.

2. Make it short: Don’t deviate from the routine. Make sure you have the routine set up and while you don’t want to rush through it, you don’t want to let it run too long. Once the routine starts, it shouldn’t take more than about 15 minutes (teeth brushing, potty, books, cuddles, and tuck in).

3. Make it fun: Bringing some spark into the routine always helps keep it a little less stressful, especially at the end of the day when everyone is tired.

4. Provide choices: Having your child have some input on the routine, helps them feel independent, and part of the routine. Rather than being told what to do with everything. Have your child choose the books, or where you’ll be reading them.

5. Set limits and follow through: While this is the hardest, you need to make sure you set up limits. If you’ve told your little one there’s only 2 books and now they’re requesting one more, you cannot give in! Once you give in once, this just opens the door to more requests.

Bedtime Callbacks:

 With this newfound verbal requests, often comes your little one requesting you to come back after you’ve tucked them in. I remember with my two older boys, they always knew what to say to my husband and I to get us to come back. To my husband: ‘let me tell you what I did today.’ To me: ‘one more hug mami.’ Bedtime is often hard as it signifies the day is ending and for our little ones it includes separating from mom and dad. They know how to start requesting different things to get you to come back, and we often fall into the trap.

1. Respond consistently: This is always the number one rule in ensuring your child’s sleep doesn’t fall apart. Whether that means you’re doing a quick check/reassurance, or telling your child you’ll check on them before you go to sleep. Try not to engage in the requests and do a quick check in without starting to scream and negotiate.   

2. Call out last one: While reading the last book in the routine, or while tucking your little one in and giving  a hug, remind your child that it’s the ‘last one (hug, tuck, kiss etc).’ Giving them a heads up that there will be no more books, kisses, tuck ins etc., can help avoid the more requests later on.

3. Don’t give into requests: And of course, do NOT do what your child is asking you to do. Often we fall into the trap. And we must be careful to tell our kids we will not do it, and stick to our words. You can redirect and say ‘we can read that book tomorrow morning at breakfast.’

You’re Stuck Laying Down With Them To Fall Asleep:

 Around this age, many parents end up moving their little one into a bed. As you all know, I don’t suggest doing this until your child is 3 years old, or older. The change from a crib to an open bed, is a very big one. Sometimes our little ones gets scared, or starts coming out of their bed and this is when parents will often end up lying down with their child in their bed to get them to stay and fall asleep. Try not to start this habit, as it can cause sleep regressions.

1. Behavioral Clock: Behavioral Clocks are a great tool in teaching your child when is bedtime and when is wake up time. A nightlight that teaches your child when it’s OK to come out of the bed/room and when it’s OK start their day.

2. Gate or latch: I don’t suggest locking the door to your child’s door, as this can cause some anxiety at this age. Rather, I suggest putting up a gate or latch at the door, so the door can remain open (or open enough) so your little one can see the hallway and some light, and feel comfortable in the room.

3. Reassurance: While we want to reassure, we have to be careful on what we’re doing to reassure. Responding is necessary, but how you do it should be minimal or enough not to create a new sleep crutch. Whether that’s going to the doorway to remind them they’re OK and it’s bedtime. Or sitting in the room by the door to comfort them. Of course, if you do decide to do this method, you have to make sure you work your way out of the room so that you’re not stuck sitting in the room all night.

Did your little one just turn 2? Are you seeing any of these new habits start forming? Let’s talk!

3 to 2 Nap Transition

Nap transitions are always hard. Any change in your child’s schedule is always hard as it takes some time for both the parents and the child to get used to. With any transition, you have to give your child some time to adjust to the new wake windows, and sometimes less day sleep.

Your child may start showing resistance to 3 naps anywhere between the ages of 8-9 months old. That 3rd nap of the day, which is often a catnap, becomes a struggle and they begin fighting it more and more. That last nap has been there to help bridge the wake window to bedtime. In the transition phase, there will be times where they’ll skip that nap altogether and then they are awake far too long, which can cause them to be overtired.  And then there will be times when your child isn’t resisting the third nap, but rather falling asleep much later, which can also affect bedtime, pushing it really late. Many times you are in that limbo state that I like to call “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”  If your child does take that third nap can often mean a later bedtime. But if your child doesn’t take that third nap, you want to avoid pushing those wake windows too much and are looking at an earlier bedtime.

How do you know your child is ready to drop to 2 naps?

•  Your baby is between the ages of 8-9 months: You want to make sure your little one is between the ages of 8-9 months old before you do the transition. Changing your child’s schedule too early, can affect her sleep, as she’s not ready to stretch those wake windows too far and can’t handle only 2 naps a day.

• Sleeping 11 hours through the night: In order for your child to be able to stay up longer throughout the day, you want to make sure she is rested and sleeping all night. If your little one isn’t sleeping well at night, often they will need day sleep to recover, so dropping a nap will only make your little one more overtired.

• Taking longer to fall asleep: In this case, your little one will end falling asleep, but it’s a struggle. You’ll leave her in there and she will fall asleep, but it will take her a long time to fall asleep, which will then push bedtime even later.

• Resisting that 3rd nap: Where your little one normally would fall asleep without any problems, you are now seeing her completely resist that first nap. Your baby won’t nap at all even though you have kept her in her crib for the full hour.

• Too much day sleep affecting bedtime/night sleep: In this case, your child is napping 3x a day, but seems to be getting too much overall day sleep, and now that has either pushed bedtime too late, or has taken away from overall night sleep.

How to make the transition:

• Extend wake windows: While this is sometimes the hardest and scariest thing to do, you will need to start pushing those wake windows larger because she can handle it. A lot of times we are scared to do this, as we should be, but when they can handle it, we must do it. Remember that at this age, her wake window is 3-3.5 hours.

• Allow for longer naps: In this transition period, you want your little one to get in as much day sleep as she can within those 2 naps, without letting her exceed the total amount needed in one day. At this age your little one should not be napping 3 hours total (maximum), so if she does take 2 excellent naps, this will help her stay up longer intervals and avoid that 3rd nap.

• 3:00 p.m. rule: If your little one wakes up from her second nap at 3:00 p.m. or later, it is recommended to skip the 3rd nap and move bedtime earlier. If she wakes up before 3:00 p.m., she will need a small late afternoon catnap, even if it’s only for 20/30 minutes.

• Push bedtime earlier: On the days where your child doesn’t take her 3rd nap, remember to move bedtime earlier. Since your little one is old enough to handle 3 to even 3.5 hours of a wake window at the end of the day, you will move bedtime to 6/6:30 p.m. and end the day then.

• Give it time: Remember, with all transitions, this can take a few days, even weeks. Remember that she is adjusting her body to only take 2 naps a day and to be able to handle larger wake windows. We need to be patient and consistent more importantly, and continue with the pace as your child will soon get adjusted to the new wake windows, and less overall day sleep. The more consistent you are, the sooner it will click.

Are you struggling with your little one’s nap transition? Let’s talk!

Issues With Your Toddler's Routine? Try These Tips

Bedtime routines are a strong foundation in setting up healthy sleep habits for your child. It’s what really helps signal our kids that it’s time to go to sleep. It helps them transition from play time/awake time to sleepy time. It signals the brain to continue secreting melatonin, which is that calming, soothing hormone we all produce when we’re sleepy.

Routines in general shouldn’t be too long and there should be one for nap time and one for bedtime. You can start setting up a routine with your little one when she is as young as 6-8 weeks old. And while that routine looks a lot different than when your child is 4 years old, it should have the same foundation; 4 B’s. - Bath, Bottle/Breast, Book, Bed. When your little one is a baby, the second B is breast or bottle. When they are older, it’s brush teeth. And when they are 12 months old you are reading them the book. But when they are 6 years old, they can read the book to you. Regardless of how it’s tweaked along the way, the foundation is set at an early age.

The issue is, is that most parents start finding the routine hard to keep to when their child becomes a toddler and the routine starts falling a part. In general, we all know that toddlers can change everything up, with their newfound idea of wanting independence and control, but many parents see the change also in the sleep routine process. Children start fighting the routine. Procrastinating. Thinking of every excuse to prolong bedtime. More books. Not wanting to go brush their teeth. And so much more. How can you ensure that the routine stays on track and doesn’t fall apart. Check out these tips for each part of the process:

Leading up to the bedtime routine: Ending the fun and announcing that it’s bedtime is always the hardest. Kids don’t want to part with their toys, or turn off the TV and go to sleep. Especially if their siblings and parents are staying awake, while they need to go to sleep. Or if there are guests over, and they are the ones who need to go to sleep and can’t stay up with the rest of the gang.

1. Make sure the TV/screens are turned off BEFORE you start the routine. So have another ‘activity’ that isn’t screen related once you turn off the TV before it’s time to start the bedtime routine. Whether that’s playing with blocks, coloring, or playing with dolls. Something that they can entertain themselves and hang out with, but not a screen. Screen time can affect the production of melatonin and can cause the opposite affect; hyper and awake. Screens are always the hardest to part with.  

2. Announce that bedtime is coming up but that she will still have time to do one more thing. So if she’s coloring, tell her that she can finish coloring with the red crayon and then it’s time to start the routine. Or she can finish coloring that page, and then it’s time to put the colors and book away. Give your child a heads up that the routine will start soon and she can part with her activity with one last ‘thing.’

Getting them to start the routine: No child wants to go to sleep. And especially separate from their parents and end the day. Getting them to even start the routine can sometimes be challenging. After you have had them complete their task or finish their playtime, you will need to get her to go brush their teeth. Of course, this isn’t as fun as playing or hanging out. How do you get them to do this? Introduce play into the boring task.

1. Bring in fun: Race your child up the stairs to see who gets there first. Or suggest hopping on one foot to the bathroom. .Try to brush your teeth standing on one foot. Perhaps swap bathrooms – your child brushes her teeth in your bathroom, and you in hers? Try to think of silly and fun ways to get them to start the process.

During the routine: So you’ve finally gotten your child to separate from her toys and you’ve started the routine. She’s in his pjs, brushed teeth, and now in she’s ready for the second part of the routine- books and bed. Usually by then your little one should be ready to finish the routine, however sometimes it can get a little tricky.

1. Have your child pick out TWO or THREE books that she wants you to read. You should tell her how many she can pick out, and she can pick which books. You can also give her a few books and tell her to pick out from the ones you’ve selected.

2. If your child is old enough, you can change locations of where you will be reading the books. Her bed, her floor, your bed, the living room. Reading the books, doesn’t necessarily have to be in her room, but it is often suggested for it. Regardless of the location, you want to make sure that it’s a calm setting and not in front of the TV.

3. Making the books fun. Reading a book doesn’t always necessarily need to be boring. The hardcover short books are what you’re aiming for but can make it engaging and fun. Try using silly voices while reading them. Books can also be fun and engaging, like the ‘Touch and Feel’ for the younger ones. Or even the ‘press the button’ ones to make sounds. ‘Seek and Find’ are great books for the older ones! The one we love most in our home is Richard Scarry’s “Cars and Trucks and Things that Go!” So fun finding Goldbug!! You can read the book together, or if they’re old enough, have your read you a book.

After the routine before bed: This is where it sometimes gets harder as the child doesn’t want you to finish the routine. Most will start requesting another book, or more water, or more cuddles. If you are consistent and stick to the checklist of the routine, it will help you stay on track and not let the whole routine fall apart. Ensuring that the last transition is smooth. At this point you want to stop with the fun and bring in the soothing, calming part.

1. Mindful meditation: A good calming technique that I did often with my boys when they were younger is mindful meditation. Now that they’re older, they will still sometimes do it on their own with an app. Listening to a guided meditation can really help calm your child’s body, thoughts and breathing. You can do it together with your child in their room.  

2. Good night cuddles and talk: One last moment with your child and make it special. A few cuddles, hugs, and kisses. Make sure not to linger too much though. A little conversation about how her day was, and what she’s looking forward to. A fun activity I did with my kids is to ask them what they wanted to dream about. To think of anything. Maybe dreaming of swimming in a bowl of cream or pasta. Or flying through the clouds. This leaves your toddler with happy soothing thoughts as they drift off into sleep.

Is your toddler resisting bedtime and want to talk more? Let’s set up a call!

The 4-month Sleep Regression

You’ve survived the newborn stage, or so you think. Your baby is about to turn 4 months old, and you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your baby is now sleeping longer stretches, with perhaps one or so wake up, and you get a sense of a schedule forming. And then BAM! Your baby hits the 4-month regression and it all just falls apart. More wake ups. Shorter naps. And everything you have strongly worked on, starts to fall apart. While with some babies it’s more noticeable than with others, it is very common for your baby to hit this 4-month regression. This is the exact definition of a sleep regression. When sleep was going well, and then something causes a sudden change in the baby’s sleeping (and/or feeding) patterns.

Why is there a 4-month regression?

When your baby turns 4 months old (or around 16 weeks) there’s a lot of changes going on in her body. She is going through a developmental burst, where she is becoming more awake and alert. She is becoming more interested in her surroundings, and starts engaging and focusing on all the exciting things. Often Moms will start noticing that it’s harder to actually nurse their baby as they start getting easily distracted.  Developmentally some babies will start rolling over more, but getting stuck in their position as they can’t roll themselves back. This new-found milestone (as with others) will cause more wake ups.

The reason why this regression is one of the hardest is, because what used to so easily work to get your baby to sleep, is no longer working. Many will find their baby fighting and resisting the rocking and holding to sleep. Or after a feed, she will stay wide awake and won’t fall asleep during the feed, where she once used to so easily. While this can be frustrating because it means that you have less ability to soothe your baby to sleep, it is a sign that your child is growing and developing and probably needs less intervention or help from you. This is not to say that all babies are ready to soothe independently at this point, but they are nearing that point.

When does this regression typically happen and how long does it last?

This regression happens at the 4-month mark, 16 weeks, but there are some parents who start noticing at the 15-week mark. Remember if your baby was born early, it would be her adjusted age of 15/16 weeks. Usually sleep regressions last 2 or so weeks. However, it can sometimes last up to 1 month.  

How to get through the 4-month regression and over to the other side.

During the 4-month regression, you will probably need to be more in a survival mode. Just like you have been doing up until now, you will need to respond to your baby as needed. If that means more feeds at night, then do so. Do not be afraid of introducing feeds that she wasn’t needing before, as this is just temporary to get through the regression. Some will in fact be going through a growth spurt, which is why you will be seeing an increase in night feeds. You can always work on removing those feeds later when she is ready. Trying to get your little one to sleep might be harder now, so try to think of new options. Try to explore of other ways to help her soothe and stay asleep. You want to avoid overstimulation, even though it seems like your baby is interested in playing more. Too much stimulation can make it harder for your baby to winddown to sleep. Because your little one is more alert, those on-the-go naps will be harder. Make sure to avoid too many of those, and try to get her sleeping in a dark/quiet room. If you are out and about, try to cover the stroller or car seat, lower the music, and perhaps have the travel white noise machine on to make it easier for her to fall asleep.   

Once your little one has come out of the regression, which is usually around 18 weeks, is when you can start to get sleep back in order. While the regression is difficult, with more wake ups, shorter naps, and probably more feeds than usual, at 18 weeks is when you want to work on teaching your child self-soothing skills. To have your baby learn how to put herself to sleep independently and not rely on all the tricks you’ve been doing, will help improve her overall sleep. Where you have been rocking, holding, or feeding your baby to sleep, you will now need to put your baby down awake and have her learn to put herself to sleep. Once she learns how to do this at bedtime, she will be able to do this on her own for all other wake ups in the middle of the night, or during naps. The ability to self-soothe is vital in getting her to sleep longer stretches and connect the sleep cycles on her own, without relying on you. This is what sleep training is about; coaching your baby to learn the capability of self-soothing.

Is your little one going through a 4-month regression and need help? Let’s talk!

Breastfeeding and Sleep

The two most common topics you’ll hear about when you have your baby is: feeding and sleeping. The amount of “advice” out there can sometimes be conflicting and overwhelming. I get it! I have been there before, and even with my 4th child the guilt and confusion was there. Heck, we’re all parents. But it can be overwhelming to navigate. I often hear parents ask me about breastfeeding AND sleep; ‘Will my baby sleep well or through the night if he is breastfed”? Many are told to switch to formula to get their newborn sleeping.  This can often leave Moms feeling sad and confused on what she should do with her breastfeeding journey.

With breastfeeding, it is important to make sure that the latch is established in those first few days, and any concerns are addressed with your lactation consultant. Feeds are done frequently throughout the day as well as night. A newborn’s feeding schedule changes a lot those first few months, as they are going through growth spurts. For night feeds, there are some pediatricians who suggest waking your newborn to feed every 4 hours, while others suggest waiting for your baby to wake up to feed. Often, your newborn will fall asleep while feeding, making it easier to put him down. The feeding to sleep association at first is easy and helpful. However, as he gest older and moves out of his newborn stage, this is definitely a habit you want to remove.

Around 3 months your baby will hit another growth spurt, and around 4 months, the 4-month regression. At that point, your child is leaving the newborn stage and entering the infant stage. He is becoming more alert and aware, and nursing to sleep may not be as effective. This is often when I hear from desperate, tired parents who want their baby sleeping longer stretches. And this can happen!! You do not need to stop breastfeeding in order to get your baby sleeping through the night.  What you need to work on is, changing the habit or behavior or your baby needing to be fed to sleep. If your little one is latched to the breast and falling asleep, when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he will need to latch back on. And this is what we work on. Stopping the feed to sleep association. Changing the habit.

A few things to note with this:

1.      First and foremost, as I mentioned before, you can continue breastfeeding and have your child sleep through the night. You do not need to stop nursing, and swap over to formula, if you don’t want to.

2.     You want to make sure that at this point your baby is nursing enough in a 24-hour period. That he is gaining weight and thriving. Most babies at 4-5 months are still nursing 4-5x a day, and about 1-2x a night. Any issues should be discussed with your pediatrician.

3.    Night weaning is usually part of the sleep training process, but not always a must. Depending on the age of your child, we work on slowly reducing and removing feeds. However, some babies are sometimes not ready to remove all feeds, and that’s OK. With my youngest one, she was underweight, and while I worked on changing her sleep habits (sleep training), I still managed to keep 2 breastfeeding sessions at night.

4.    Ensure that your child is not falling asleep at the breast before bedtime. This is the main thing with seeing sleep training success. Your baby should be nursing for a feed, but not to sleep. Make sure you are feeding him as part of the routine, but not at the last minute when he should be in the crib. Move the feed a bit earlier in the bedtime routine process. Sometimes keeping the lights on, or nursing in another room, can also be helpful.

5.    In the middle of the night, while sleep training especially, it is suggested to have the non-nursing parent to respond. If you are working on reducing feeds and/or teaching your child how to put himself back to sleep without feeding to sleep, it may be easier for him if the other parent responds as he won’t expect to be nursed. While in the beginning it may be hard for your baby, he will learn and get used to going back to sleep without a feed.

6.    While night weaning feeds, you want to make sure you do it slowly and in according to what’s best for you and your baby. When working with my Clients, I look at each child individually and offer case by case recommendations. One thing I do always recommend is pumping before you go to sleep. This helps fully drain out anything remaining so that your breasts don’t engorge at night. It also allows the continue supply of milk so that even though you have removed middle of the night feeds, you are still producing enough. And lastly, of course, you can store some extra milk if needed ;).

If you are a breastfeeding parent, like I was, and still have concerns about your child’s sleep and your breastfeeding journey, let’s talk!

Is Your Little One Trying to Climb Out?

I will NEVER forget the day that my second son, who was under the age of 2 at the time, jumping out of his crib! He was sleep trained at a young age, and was sleeping perfectly fine. But one early morning all of a sudden I heard a loud thump (we had wooden floors then). Of course, we tried to put him back in, but he kept jumping out and so that’s when we transitioned him into a bed.

But if you have a little one who hasn’t fully jumped out yet, there’s hope! If your baby is jus lifting a leg, or at least seems interested in doing so, then you are at the right place! So what do you do when your little one starts lifting that leg up to try to jump out?

Let’s just say before we go on, that if your child has continued to jump out and now it’s a safety issue, you must transition him to a toddler bed. You should check out my other post on how to transition to your child to their bed here.

But what can you do to avoid your child from fully jumping out of the crib? There are some “crib hacks” that you can do to try to keep your child in their crib for a little longer, or at least until they are developmentally ready and able.

1.     Lower the mattress: In this case I don’t mean just to lower it to the lowest setting. I mean, literally lower it all the way down to the floor. Take that spring board that is under the mattress, and put the mattress on the floor. The mattress should still be contained in the crib, but now it’s on the floor. I need to note that if the mattress can easily slide out/move around, then it can become a safety issue and you do not want to do this option.

2.     Turn that crib around: Does your child’s crib have the back part higher than the front? Are you able to turn the crib around, so that the lower part is facing the wall and the higher is facing out? Yes, you have the sides that are lower, but sometimes this is enough to trick the child and they stop lifting that leg!

3.     Move surrounding furniture away: Is your little one using a piece of furniture that is next to the crib to gain leverage? Make sure to move any surrounding pieces of furniture (rocking chair, night stand, book stand) that can be used as a prop to help your child climb out.

4.     Remove bumpers: Get rid of any bumpers/mesh bumpers that may be in your child’s crib. This can be used as an extra leverage to get a little higher (sometimes that’s all they need) to lift that leg up. Even anything inside the crib, like pillows and blankets, are sometimes used to create like a small mountain that can be used for these kids to step on, gain a little leverage, and then climb over.

5.     Sleep Sacks: I STRONGLY recommend these, as this is the safest thing to keep those little legs in. Even if your child hasn’t been using a sleep sack, they are still recommended as they keep their legs contained and unable to lift one up.

6.     Special pijamas: There are special pijamas out there that are different than the sleep sacks, but have the same function. They come with a snap/zipper or are sewn together at the legs to hold those legs tightly together and avoid the legs to separate and lift one up. I would definitely look into those!

7.     Crib tents: Crib tents are super helpful! While they have gone back and forth with recalls, they do help keep the child in the crib. While I do recommend them, I strongly suggest looking up the latest safety recalls/measures as they are often changing.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything, and still at your wits end, I hear you! I was there too!! Let’s talk! Schedule a call here.

12-Month Sleep Regression

Sleep regressions are a scary thought, and as parents we dread the moment it comes. It throws us for a loop because our child was sleeping so well, and now all of a sudden not. This can be frustrating for parents, because after all that hard work in getting your child sleeping well or on a schedule, things completely fall apart, and we feel that we won’t be able to get that good sleep back. But that’s not true! While sleep patterns are disrupted and regressions happen a quite a lot those first couple of years, you can still make sure sleep is intact and it doesn’t all fall apart!

So, what is a sleep regression exactly? A sleep regression is a period when a baby who had been sleeping well, starts sleeping poorly. A change in your child’s sleep patterns. You can see why this is so stressing. Everything is going as planned, and then poof, it all falls apart! It’s especially stressing because this can happen a few times just in those first 2 years of a baby’s life! Sleep regressions usually last a few weeks. However, can last a lot longer if you let it. It’s important to know what can cause sleep regressions and how to cope with them, and handle them, so that your child doesn’t get stuck in one.

Of course, there are a few things that can cause sleep regressions that are beyond our control – like a regression after a sickness or after we travel. But then there are regressions at certain ages based on developmental changes happening. In this case, a common one is around the 12-month mark. Just like all regressions, not ALL kids have a 12-month sleep regression – but most do! If they do, it can last a few weeks. But every child’s situation is different. How long a sleep regression lasts can really depend on the factors causing it:  1. the child’s sleep habits and environment 2. And their overall development.

A way to ensure that it doesn’t last longer than it should, is establishing those healthy sleep habits at a young age and bringing them back as soon as this regression is over. Don’t let the bad habits linger too long, because that will only reinforce the regression and now the bad habits are the “new habits” and the “good habits” are out the door.

Signs to look out for to know your child is going through a regression:

1.     Waking up more often during the night.

2.     Being fussy and having a hard time calming down and getting back to sleep after nighttime awakenings.

3.     Fighting or resisting sleep at bedtime.

4.     Taking shorter naps during the day.

What causes this 12-month sleep regression?

1.     The most common cause is the developmental leap of walking/cruising. While not all start walking at 12 months, some will start a little sooner and some a little later. Regardless, at this age, these kids start getting more mobile and more active and wanting to be up and running all the time.

2.     Not only are they learning how to get around more, their language and social development skills take a big turn here as well. More words, understanding more, and trying to communicate– even if It’s one-word phrases like “ball” “agua.”

3.     The other big one, is separation anxiety peak. At 12 months there’s a big separation anxiety peak that builds up. They don’t want to separate from their parents and where before it was easy leaving them with the nanny or grandma, now it’s getting harder and harder to separate. If you’ve read my other post about separation anxiety peaks, you know this can affect their daytime and nighttime sleep.

4.     Slight changes in sleep needs and wake windows occur here, but most often confuse this with the readiness of transitioning to 1 nap. Yes, wake windows increase slightly, the amount of sleep also drops slightly at this age. But a common mistake around this age, parents confuse their child’s sleep regression with a readiness to drop to 1 nap. This is when their day sleep can completely fall apart, as parents are switching their schedule around.

5.     A small, yet common reason, is also teething – those 1-year molars start coming in, and that’s no fun! If your little one is sensitive to teething, sorry folks! The molars are more painful – they are bigger, square, and more painful, and this can absolutely affect their overall sleep!

So how do we handle regressions, and in particular this 12 month one?

1.     Bedtime routines: If you haven’t already done so, make sure to establish a consistent bedtime routine. Research demonstrates that a stable routine can make it easier for the child to fall asleep and stay asleep.  The bedtime routine allows for that one-on-one bonding time before bed, which helps for those little kiddos going through a separation anxiety peak. It also gives your child time to wind down. Remember they are more alert, aware, active, and they need that wind down period!!

2.     Keep a steady sleep schedule. If you can stick to a consistent schedule for naps and sleep at night, it can help your child adjust and be ready for sleep. Children thrive on consistency. Deviations from “the norm” can make transitions harder and cause regressions to last longer.

3.     Security objects: If your child doesn’t have one already, now is a great time to introduce one. A security object gives your child that sense of feeling safe and secure when going to sleep. Lovies, blankets, or stuffed animals are great options.

But how do you respond to those night wakings? What do you do when your little one starts resisting bedtime and waking up multiple times at night?

1.     Often times if its developmental – not much is needed to be done. Your baby is up and talking or standing – that’s OK. Babies like to practice at night, getting the hang of walking/cruising around. Leave your baby be. No need to go in – as often times going in can make it worse – if your little ones doesn’t need you.

2.     If your baby is teething – you can offer a little more support. Offering some pain relief medicine at bedtime or in the middle of the night, can relieve that pain that’s causing those wake ups. Sometimes even going in and holding your child for a bit as the medicine kicks in, or as the pain gets better, is OK. But remember, as soon as that tooth is out – you can see it- the active part of teething is over, and the pain is gone!

3.     If you notice your little is going through a separation anxiety peak – you will probably need to do a little more to reassure your child. When reassuring your child during the night, don’t turn on the lights, take them out of bed, or otherwise provide stimulation. You can either do a quick check. Try to avoid getting too close when checking on your child, perhaps open the door, show your face and reassure, and then leave.  But if this doesn’t calm her down, you can stay in the room to provide the comfort for your child of not feeling alone. But remember, you will need to also work your way out of the room, so you don’t get stuck in the room every night.

While sleep regressions can be scary, they are manageable and pass within time. Make sure to look out for the signs and always try to get them back on track as soon as you can! If you think your child is going through a sleep regression, let’s talk!

Toddler Bedtime Struggles & How To Handle Them

We all know that the toddler stage can be tough. Fun, but tough. Kids at this age and stage really start becoming little humans. They’re growing and learning so much. Soaking every little detail in, all their experiences throughout the day. While they’re trying to go about their day and foster their independence. They’re also seeking direction, guidance, and love and support from us. So they’re basically trying to be little humans, but they obviously can’t do it on their own. So they look to us, their parents, their caregivers, to help guide them to direct them in the right way. They need our constant response.

 As their little brains are growing, they’re also learning cause and effect. They’re learning what type of consequences will happen when. They are trying to learn impulse control and they’re learning how to control their own emotions. So imagine they’ve got rules and regulations placed upon them, and then they try to push them, push those boundaries. They want to see what will happen if I do something? What will mommy do if I don’t follow the rules? How can I show my independence?

 And then this is where the issues begin. Now on the parent’s side, we’re here to provide support, love, and raise our kids to foster that independence yet in a safe way. Our kids are young and we’re constantly teaching them what’s right and wrong and trying to direct them in the right way. And can you imagine, after a full day of being with them, playing with them, interacting with them by the end of the day, we’re just so exhausted. We spend all our physical and emotional strength on our kids. And then we also have to deal with work, personal life, relationships. So sometimes at the end of the day, we are just so tired.

 The end of the day is the hardest. And this is where the bedtime battles begin. Our kids start to unfold. We start to slip up and loose control, and then things start to unravel. Our kids are tired. And so are we. Bedtime is the perfect scenario at the end of the day, when everyone’s tired, that issues will start coming up.

 Resisting the bedtime routine altogether: So you have your bedtime routine in place, and every night you tell your child to brush their teeth, and every night it’s another battle. Why are they resisting it? Don’t they know this is something we do every night? Really what’s going on here is that your toddler does not want to go to sleep. They don’t want to end the day. And more importantly, they don’t want to separate from you. Resistance is about separation. So the first step in addressing your child’s issue of resisting the bedtime routine is realizing that. Realize that it’s the act of separating and ending that fun day that they are fighting. They’re not fighting you on whether they should brush her teeth or not. They’re just fighting on the bedtime routine that we’re doing signifies an end of the day, and they don’t want that. Once you can internalize that and realize it’s coming from an emotional misbalance from your child, who just wants to continue playing, you need to then take it from there.

Routines are still important. So here are a few tactics to make it a smoother process:

1.     First is set up a regular routine. You want to set up your regular bedtime routine that is done every single night, same thing. So that there’s no unfamiliarity. So there’s no surprises to these toddlers. Because remember, toddlers like to know what’s coming up ahead, toddlers don’t like surprises. Just like during the daytime, when they’re at school, they have circle time, then play time, then snack time. The same should happen with their bedtime routine. You want to create that routine that is done every single night and they know what’s going on.

2.     Visual charts: A visual that shows your child doing each tactic. The chart is great because it’s a visual reminder for your child of what the bedtime routine entails, what’s coming up next. For example, the chart would show a picture of a child brushing their teeth, and then putting on their pajamas. And then there’s books with mommy in bed, and then the lights are off, and the child is sleeping in their bed. I suggest using images, as most of these kids can’t read yet. It is a great reminder that your child can look at and know what’s coming up ahead and it also takes away from “mommy and daddy say this is next.”

3.     Reminders along the way: As you are going through the routine with your child, remind your child what’s coming up ahead. “Okay, we’re going to brush our teeth, and after that, we’re going to go read our books.” So that the child is constantly reminded of what’s going on and knows what’s coming up ahead and it makes it easier for the parent to stay on course.

4.     Give them some sense of control: The other part to make the bedtime routine a little bit easier on your toddler, is have your child be a part of the process. Tell your kids, they can choose their pajamas. They can choose what books you’re going to read that night, but the parents sets it up for them. For example, “okay sweetie, you get to pick out two books tonight, and those are the two books that mommy will read.” So if you notice the parent is saying ‘two’ that’s how many books we’re reading. The parent controls the amount of books and the child can pick out the books. This still gives the child a chance to be a part of the decision process at bedtime. They don’t feel like they’re being dictated throughout the night what to do next. Of course, you have to be careful with how many options you’re giving your child because that can open the door to a whole other level.

5.     Make it silly and playful: We’re all tired at the end of the day, and as parents we often just want to end the day and rush through the bedtime routine. If you start feeling your child resisting the routine and it becomes a screaming battle, try to bring some fun into the routine. Hopping over to the bathroom to brush teeth. Tiptoeing to the room to read books. Race up the stairs to the room. Bring some fun and games to the bedtime routine!

Sleep Training Methods

Are you rocking, holding, feeding, bouncing or assisting your child to sleep? Is your baby falling asleep with your help? Are you putting your baby down asleep in her crib? If so, then you have created a sleep crutch and now she can’t put herself to sleep. Sleep training or coaching is the act of behaviorally teaching your child how to put themselves to sleep and back to sleep on their own. It’s when you remove sleep crutches and teach the independent skill of self-soothing and putting yourself to sleep.

 So how do you remove those sleep crutches? How do you teach your child the independent skill of self-soothing and putting themselves to sleep? You may be saying, ‘If I stop rocking my child to sleep how will she put herself to sleep? If I put her down in the crib, she’ll cry.’ Yes, this is true. She doesn’t know how to put herself to sleep. And unfortunately, she will cry. For the younger ones, this is how they communicate. For the older ones they’ll cry and yell out “Mommy!!” But this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to leave her to cry alone. There are different methods that you can choose from that don’t always necessarily mean to leave her to cry alone.

The three main methods that are widely used across the board and that have been around for years are: extinction, gradual extinction, and parental fading. Let’s go into depth on what each of those look like.

Extinction: Extinction is what people refer to as “Cry It Out Method.” This is the one that most people talk about. In this method, the idea that Weissbluth had is to do full on extinction, meaning you place your child down awake at bedtime so that they learn how to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep, and leave him to do it on his own. So you do NOT go in at any point. You go from whatever your sleep crutch was, to full on putting him down awake, leaving him be, and he will learn how to do it on his own. So even if he cries for 15 minutes, 40 minutes, 1 hour – there is no intervention at all.

Many will argue that this is the “fastest” method to get your child sleeping, but that is not necessarily true. I will also say that this isn’t the right fit for all children, and for all parents, and that is totally OK! You don’t have to be! Honestly, when I did sleep training for my kids, I did not choose this method because I didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stick to it at bedtime, or the middle of the night. I knew myself and my strengths and weaknesses, and knowing that I wasn’t’ going to be consistent, meant I had to go another route. But at the same time, if you choose to do this method, that’s OK too! If it works for you and your child, then there’s nothing wrong in choosing this method.

Gradual Extinction: This is the one that many confuse with CIO. This is actual Ferber’s idea of being able to go into your child’s room to reassure him when he’s crying. But in order to do so you need to do it in timed intervals, and slowly gradually going to extinction – or not going in at all. So rather than just placing your child in the crib and not going in at all at any point, with this method, you ARE allowed to go in and reassure your child. The idea is that you wait longer and longer before you go in. So let’s say for example on that first night you put your baby down awake and leave the room. He will start crying the minute you put him down, or as soon as you leave. Now rather than like in CIO where you don’t go in and you leave him to cry, in this method you will wait a few minutes before you go in and check on him. Let’s say for example that first night you go in every 5 minutes. Well on the second night, you now need to wait longer, maybe 7 or 10 minutes before you go in and check on him. Because you can’t keep on going in every 3-5 minutes every night. You want to give your child the opportunity to learn and also self-soothe. If you keep on going in, he will continue relying on seeing you and we won’t give him the chance to do it on his own.

Parental Fading:  This is considered a more gentler approach. This allows the parent to be in the room, without leaving the child alone. So rather than leaving them to cry it out alone, or going in and out of the room, you are actually staying in the room. Assisting, helping, but of course then working on doing less and less whatever that is.

The most common one is the Sleep Lady Shuffle. In this case you are sitting in the room, but with time you are slowly moving further away. You fade away. This helps for those older kids that need to see mommy or daddy and not feel alone. This method is suggested for any baby over the age of 6 months. But I do in fact think this is a great method for those that are already sitting/standing. For those older ones that are aware whether the parent is in the room or not, standing next to your child, rather than leaving and coming back, makes a difference.

Now the most important part to this method is, is that you don’t get stuck in the room. That you don’t create a new sleep crutch. You need to make sure that you slowly remove yourself, you fade away. With this process, as you are inside the room you can talk and reassure. Even when you’re close enough you can do some touching. But as the nights go on you must make sure that you are slowly inching your way out of the room and removing yourself from the sleep space. You will eventually get to the point where you put your child down awake and completely leave and she will be OK with that.

 Remember, just like the other methods, whichever method you choose, you must do the same thing at night. You must be able to respond consistently from bedtime until the morning. Because half of seeing the success in sleep training is putting your child down awake, and the other half is consistency.

Have questions on which method is right for you? Let’s talk!

10 Common Sleep Mistakes

As parents we are always learning. Unfortunately, this parenting gig does not come with an instructional manual, and we really are learning as we go. A lot of times we will make mistakes and realize we are doing so, and then fix them. And sometimes, we don’t even realize they are mistakes, and we can’t figure out the solution to our problem.

What are common sleep mistakes that you may not realize you’re doing?

1.     Skipping a nap: Have you heard of sleep begets sleep? Better day sleep = better night sleep. Many parents think that if their baby skips her nap, she’ll be even more tired and will sleep more at night and catch up on sleep. That’s actually the opposite! When our kids don’t get the right amount of sleep they need during the day, it can affect their night sleep overall. They’ll wake up frequently and have early rising. During the day our little ones need that deep sleep, in order to get that deep sleep at night.

2.     Do bedtime later: Another common mistake, also related to the one mentioned above is, pushing bedtime later so that she wakes up later the next day. Unfortunately our little ones are not teenagers! They won’t just go to sleep really late and wake up really early the next day. In fact, the opposite, they will wake up at their usual time or even earlier! Our kids have a certain awake window by age. They can only stay up for a certain amount of time. If we exceed that awake window, keep them up far later than they can handle, they will actually fall asleep overtired, with cortisol kicking in their system. And when an overtired child exceeds her awake window, she will actually have early rising, and wake up *earlier* the next day.  

3.     Respond right away when baby is stirring at night: Most first-time parents aren’t used to the crying and the different noises the baby makes. Some of us are a little more anxious and when they hear a sudden noise they rush to the baby. Sometimes leaving them be, rather than rushing to their room is a good thing. We give them the opportunity to relax and self-settle without disruption.

4.     Sleep crutches: It is recommended to use any means (as long as it’s safe) to help your newborn sleep. There are no bad habits those first few months. But what many parents don’t realize is that those do turn into bad habits if you continue them far beyond the age of 6 months old. Parents will often continue rocking, holding, or feeding their little one to a sleepy drowsy state far beyond the age necessary for that. Then, the child starts depending on these sleep crutches, which can in turn create sleep issues later. The child will need this sleep crutch to help fall asleep and fall back asleep, and that’s where night issues arise.  

5.     Not having a routine: Kids thrive on routine and predictability. It helps calm them down as they don’t like the unexpected. They love the same book over and over again. They love watching the same show or hearing the same song over again. Same with sleep. It is recommended to create a sleep routine before nap time and bedtime. Studies show that if you set up a routine of about 10 minutes before nap time and bedtime, and repeat this every day, it can create better sleep overall. It helps the child transition from playtime to sleep in a calming soothing manner. The child doesn’t feel rushed in going to sleep and spends some time winding down the same way every day.

6.     Not having a sleep space: Getting used to the life of parenting, often involves having to buckle down and not have the freedom of being out and about all day. This may be a hard change for some parents, and then they start compromising their little one’s sleep. Sleeping on the go is not as comfortable as sleeping in our beds. Sleeping in a noisy, bright place also doesn’t really promote sleep. It is recommended to create a sleep space that is conducive to sleeping; dark, quiet, and cozy sleep environment. Your child will start associating sleep with that space want to go to sleep.  

7.     Too much day sleep: Naps are important, but when our little one’s sleep too much, it can take away from their night sleep. Our children have a max total amount of sleep they should be getting in a 24-hour period. While some will nap less than others, the ones that nap too long, will not be as tired for a regular bedtime (have a later bedtime) and will sleep a lot less at night and wake up earlier.

8.     Removing the pacifier too soon: Many parents rush to get rid of the pacifier when their toddler is 2 years old. I often find that getting rid of it at a young age will result in the child boycotting naps, and sleep falling apart. It is easier to remove the pacifier when your child is 3 years old, so you can have a conversation with her explaining the change. It will take some time of adjustment, but she will soon get the hang of it.

9.     Moving to bed: Another common mistake that parents do too soon is transitioning their little one out of the crib and into a bed. This is another transition that I would suggest doing once your child is age appropriate to understand what it means to have the liberty of coming out of the bed, but not doing so. Toddlers under the age of 3 years old, don’t understand that they must stay in their bed and not wander around. Unless your little one has jumped out of the crib, she can sleep comfortably in her crib until 3 years old or even older!

10.  Missing the sleepy cues: Sleep cues tell us when our child is tired. When they start secreting melatonin and are getting tired and ready to fall asleep. If we miss those cues, we tend to keep our kids up longer, stretching their awake window. Make sure to know those awake windows well, and then look for those cues at that time. Get to know them as each child can present them differently.

Sleep & Feed Myths

As parents we are often given ‘free advice.’ Our friends and family will often tell us what worked for them, suggesting we should do the same. The internet provides us with so much information at our fingertips, which can cause more confusion. There’s SO much information out there that isn’t always right. So as parents, we’re often left confused and doubting what is right and what is wrong. One reoccurring topic is feeds and sleep. There are many myths out there on how to get your child sleeping through the night better, and what must be changed in their eating habits in order to get better sleep.

5 commons myths:

1. Formula-fed baby will sleep through the night, not a breastfed baby: This is far beyond the truth. A breastfed baby can sleep just as much as a formula fed baby. You don't *HAVE* to give your child formula to get her sleeping through the night. You do you.  Remember: fed is best.

2. Breastfeeding: Some will say you even need to stop breastfeeding all together, however, this is not true. You absolutely can continue breastfeeding your baby before bed. What you want to make sure you do is not breastfeed TO sleep. So you can feed, unlatch the baby, read some books, and then put down awake; rather than feed to sleep. Here your little one will be able to breastfeed and you will be able to put her down awake, so she can put herself to sleep without relying on nursing to sleep.

3. Load the bottle with cereal: This is the most common myth of them all; load the bottle with cereal to make the milk thicker and she'll feel fuller and sleep longer. This can actually have a reverse affect and cause bloating and discomfort on your baby. This is *not* suggested unless they have bad reflux and can't keep their milk down. Consult a physician before doing this.

4. To “sleep train” means to remove all night feeds: This is NOT true. You can absolutely keep night feeds and teach your child how to self-soothe and sleep and keep any night feeds she still may need. Most babies under the age of 6 months still need 0-2 feeds a night. At around 6 months, babies will start to reduce their night feeds.

 5. Start solids early: Many parents think that starting solids before the 6-month mark will get their baby sleeping through the night. The problem is that most babies so young aren’t ready for food. They are still so young at 4 months, their tummies are still small, and feeding them fruits and veggies can have an opposite affect and cause discomfort.

How Can I Get My Baby To Nap Longer?

Short naps can be very frustrating. But they don’t have to be that way! Your little one needs a nap until she’s about 3-4 years old, and we don’t want her catnapping for so long! Now that you know what can cause short naps, let’s go over a few tips and suggestions you can do to extend that nap.  

Create a routine: It’s recommended to have a nap time routine with your little one. This helps signal your child it’s time to go to sleep and helps them wind down from play time to sleep time. A few books and some songs before going down is a great way to help her wind down.

Sleep space: It is suggested to have your baby sleeping in her regular sleep space for naps as well. Studies show that sleeping in the same space daily is a healthy sleep habit that promotes better sleep overall. Make sure the room is dark, so close those shades! And make sure the room is quiet and perhaps use a white noise machine to drown out that exterior noise that’s going on during the day in the house that can cause wake ups.

 Awake window: This is the amount of time our little one can stay up before they enter their sleep window. Once they enter their sleep window, they start secreting melatonin, which is a calming soothing hormone that helps them get sleepy and fall asleep. If we miss that sleep window, and our child is still awake, but they have entered the overtired state and are secreting cortisol. Make sure to put your child down according to their awake window so they don’t get overtired and cause short naps. Don’t try to keep them up ‘as long as he can handle’ and stretch the window to ‘get in a longer nap because he’s so tired.’

 Sleep Crutch: If you are doing something to or for your little one, she will need it to go back to sleep. These are known as sleep crutches, or sleep associations. Look at your routine and make sure that you are not ending it with having your child falling asleep in your arms or at the bottle. Once you are done with the routine, place your child in her sleep space awake and let her put herself to sleep.

 Extra crib time: If your little one isn’t completing a full sleep cycle (naps less than 45 minutes), you want to try to leave her in her crib and give her some time to fall back asleep. Once she can put herself to sleep, she will be able to put herself back to sleep and connect those sleep cycles. It is recommended to leave her in the crib for an extra 30 minutes to see if she goes back to sleep.

Have questions about your little one’s naps? Let’s talk!

How Long Should My Baby Be Sleeping?

This is the blogpost that you want to save forever! This will give you all the information on how much sleep your child needs. Below you can find awake windows per age as well as sleep needs (day, night, and total).

Average Sleep Needs & Windows of Wakefulness by Age

Age	Wakefulness Window	Number of Naps	Total Daytime Sleep	Total Nighttime Sleep	Total Sleep
0 – 5 Months	0 – 1.5 Hours	4 – 5 a day	8 Hours	8.5 Hours	16.5 Hours
6 - 8 Months	2 – 3 Hours	3 a day	3.5 Hours	11 Hours	14.5 Hours
9 – 11 Months	3 – 3.5 Hours	2 a day	3 Hours	11 Hours	14 Hours
12 – 18 Months	4 – 5.5 Hours	1 – 2 a day	2.5 Hours	11 ¼ Hours	13 ¾ Hours
2 Years	5.5 - 6 Hours	1 a day	2 Hours	11 Hours	13 Hours
3 Years	6 – 12 Hours	1 a day	1 Hour	10.5 Hours	12 Hours
4 Years	6 – 12 Hours	1 a day or quiet time	0 - 45 minutes	11.5 Hours	11.5 Hours
5 Years					11 Hours
6 Years					10 ¾ Hours

Why Does My Child Take Short Naps?

Putting your little one down to take a nap, only to have her wake up 30 minutes later, can be very frustrating! Our babies don’t get the amount of sleep they need, and as parents we start worrying. Catnaps are naps that are anything less than 45 minutes. They are not considered restorative sleep, as she only stays in the “light sleep” part and doesn’t really enter the “deep sleep” phase. While she’ll wake up and seem like she’s ready to go on about her day, the nap didn’t allow her to fully rest and get the amount of sleep she needs.  

What can cause a short nap?

Age: Day sleep doesn’t start consolidating until your baby is closer to 5-6 months old. If your baby is under the age of 5 months, it is normal for her to have short, inconsistent naps. Newborns aren’t able to connect through the sleep cycles, which causes frequent wake ups and short naps. As they get older, their brain develops, and they are able to connect between sleep cycles and take longer and restorative naps.

Overtired: Have you kept her up too long? Are you trying to stretch her awake window far beyond she can handle? A lot of parents think that if they keep their baby up longer, she’ll be more tired and will sleep longer. But this is a big myth! When they are awake for too long and have passed their awake window, they are now overtired. Why? When we keep our baby up longer than their awake window, they start secreting cortisol instead of melatonin. Their bodies start getting a second wind and when you try to put them down to nap later, it will be harder for them to get into a deep sleep with cortisol kicking.

Undertired: The term ‘undertired’, as opposed to overtired, is when your baby is not tired enough or ready to take a nap. In this case, she may fall asleep, but because she doesn’t have enough sleep pressure to help her extend her nap, she will wake up sooner. Sleep pressure is an unconscious biological response that makes us want to go to sleep, a result of adenosine building up in our brains during the time we are awake. It builds up as our time awake increases, and then it decreases as we sleep.   

Environment: Is the room dark enough? You also want to make sure that the room isn’t too bright, so close the shades and make sure the room is dark. Too much light can be distracting and can also stop the production of melatonin. Make sure the room is quiet and perhaps use a white noise machine to avoid any loud noises waking her up.

Sleep Crutches: If you are doing something to or for your child to help her fall asleep at the beginning of the nap, she will need you to help her when she wakes up mid-nap. She will not be able to connect the sleep cycles on her own, will have a partial awakening, and then will wake up and not be able to go back to sleep without your help.

Swaddling Your Newborn

Swaddling is a popular term heard when you have a newborn.  I mean swaddling is even done from day 1, in the hospital when they are wrapped tightly like a burrito. It’s most commonly suggested as a means to calm your newborn. When you swaddle your little one, you are tightly wrapping her in a blanket, with arms in, to restrict the sudden movement of her arms and legs. It helps avoid the Moro reflex (startle reflex) from waking her up. The idea with the swaddle is to help re-recreate the feeling of being in the womb; all warm and tight. It’s suggested to not only help calm your baby but also help her sleep longer and better. But don’t worry if your little one doesn’t like it. Not all babies, including my first son, don’t enjoy it and that’s OK! Here are a few of my favorite swaddles.

 I will caution that swaddling can also come with some risks. Some safety concerns such as overheating, SIDS, and hip dysplasia. You have to make sure you are wrapping your newborn correctly, and you don’t want to overheat your baby.

Safe ways to swaddle:

• Always put your baby on her back when swaddled and never on her belly.

• If you are using a blanket, make sure it’s light and breathable.

• Make sure to wrap tightly enough so that the blanket won’t come undone the minute she starts moving around.

• The arms should be wrapped inside by her chest. Or some like them by their sides.

• Make sure that her legs can still move. She should be able to move her hips, knees, and feet freely up and down. This helps avoid hip dysplasia.

• Make sure not to over-layer! Remember, the swaddle is like a blanket, so try not to dress her in too many layers to avoid overheating.

• Make sure to leave your child unwrapped for playtime and feeding times. You want your baby on tummy time playing and exploring without it.  

Signs your child is ready to wean from the swaddle:

• Your baby is between 4-5 months old.

• If your baby starts rolling over, you will need to stop swaddling. This can become a safety issue because if your child rolls over while in the swaddle, she will be on her tummy without being able to use her arms to push herself up, which can be dangerous.

• If your baby starts fighting you with the swaddle and doesn’t want it anymore.

Weaning your baby from the swaddle:

• When you remove the swaddle, there may be some sleep regression, as your child is learning how to sleep without it.

• You can start off by swaddling with one arm out and one arm in.

• Once she gets used to one arm out, you can then continue swaddling only her legs and leave both arms out.

• At this point you can transition to a sleep sack and offer a lovey.

Dad's role in sleep

With Father’s Day coming up, I thought it would be great to dedicate this post to talk about how important Dad’s role is to our child’s sleep. As I always like to say, my husband and I co-parent. We both work. We both raise our kids. We both bathe our kids. We both feed our kids. So why can’t we both sleep our kids? (Don’t worry, we do 😉).

Newborn Stage:

This stage I often refer to as “survival mode.” It’s a bit of a chaotic honeymoon stage. We’re in love, and we’re over the moon with our new addition. Yet at the same time, we’re exhausted and don’t know how to do it all. However, the newborn stage is when we need all hands on deck! We need BOTH parents doing it all, to help each other out, and more importantly, to bond with our newborn. Yes, even though Mom chooses to EBF, Dad can play a HUGE roll in newborn’s sleep.

1.     Bedtime routine: Dad can take over 3 (if not all 4) of the 4 B’s for the bedtime routine (bathe, bottle, book, bed). If Mom is EBF, Dad can still do the other parts to the routine. Bathe newborn and offer a nice yummy massage. Read a book and swaddle and rock your newborn to sleep.

2.     Middle of the night wake-ups: Those first few months your newborn will be up many times for many reasons. Sometimes to feed, but sometimes just to regulate breathing and temperature, or want that one-on-one contact. If Mom is EBF, then perhaps Dad can take over the other wake ups, and settle baby to sleep. This will help Mom get a break and get some rest too.

3.     Naps: Dad can take over a nap (or two) to give Mom a break. This is the time when we are supposed to swaddle, rock, hold, or even bounce our baby to sleep. So have Dad spend one-on-one time with her, and hold her as long as he wants!

 Infant and toddler stage:

Coming out of the newborn stage and into the infant stage, she will start settling into a nice sleep routine. Again, we will need Dads to help us in so many ways!

1.     Sleep Training: Your infant will need to learn the self-soothing techniques to put herself to sleep. When you begin sleep training, you will BOTH need to help each other out throughout the process. Supporting each other, staying consistent, and allowing the other one to catch up on some rest after being up sleep training. Even more so, if there is a strong nurse-to-sleep association, we will need Dad to help Mom break this habit (not stop nursing, just break the feed to sleep association).

2.     Bedtime routine: Now more than ever will we need Dad during the bedtime routine. This routine is crucial to healthy sleep habits for your infant. If Dad is able to be home for 3 or 4 of the 4 B’s, it would be so helpful!

3.     Naps: Your infant will need to nap 1-3x a day and what better way to help, than doing nap time routines on the days he’s home! This will give Mom a chance to be with the other child, or even just take a break from it all.

Have special situations that you have questions on? Sure, not a problem! Schedule a call and let’s talk it over.  

Separation Anxiety and Sleep

Have you noticed your child extra clingy lately? She doesn’t let you leave her playing on her own for one minute? Will cry when you leave her for just one second? This can be that she is going through a separation anxiety peak. Your child will go through these peaks at many points during their first two years (6-9 months, 12 months, 18 months, and 2 years old), as they try to understand object permanence. The act of separating from their parent gets them sad and anxious, as they are still trying to understand "mommy comes back" even though we're separating. "Mommy still exists" even though I don't see her.

But did you know that this can affect sleep and cause sleep regressions? When putting your child down to sleep, she will start crying where she normally doesn't. But that's OK! It's normal! If your child is going through this, you can still respond to her, while still keeping to healthy sleep habits and rules. Sitting by your child to comfort her is OK, but make sure you don't start creating sleep crutches.

A few tips on how to handle the separation anxiety peak and sleep issues:

1. Security Object: Does your little one have a lovey or security object? If not, this is a great time to introduce one. A small, breathable, light lovey that she can hold onto can help ease the transition from mommy to the crib.

2. Respond: When your child is going through a separation anxiety peak, it is important to respond to her; she needs to know you are there. Remember, this is her trying to understand you are “still there” even tough she can’t see you. Whether you choose to go in for a quick check, or stay by their crib to offer reassurance. Either way, it is important for your child to be able to see you once you have put her in the crib.

3. Consistency: The key to not letting this affect your child’s sleep long term, is to decide on one way you want to respond to your child, and stick to it! If one day you leave your child crying, and then the next time you come in and hold her to sleep, can cause confusion. Remember to stay consistent in how you respond.

4. Play games: Peek-a-boo is a common game we play with our little ones. But what parents don’t realize is that this is an essential game to help them understand object permanence. “I hear mommy, but I don’t see her, oh now I do!” Try to play lots of peek-a-boo, and even hide-and-seek for the older ones!

5. Read Books: There are a lot of great visual books to help your child through this process. Reading to her and showing pictures of the actual “separation” can help your child understand what’s going on. Here’s a great list of books.

Hang in there! These are just peaks that your child will go through that are important for their development. We want them to go through this, experience, and learn from this. If you find that you are having troubles with your child’s sleep, contact me. Let’s talk!!

Setting Up Your Child's Sleep Space

The first step in creating healthy sleep habits is setting up your child’s sleep space. The most important part of the sleep space is not WHERE they will be sleeping but HOW they will be sleeping. Your baby should be sleeping on his back, on a flat surface, and bare (with no pillows and blankets). In order to practice safety sleep habits, you want to make sure your child is separated from your sleep space in either a bassinet, crib, or pack-n-play. (If you choose to co-sleep, you can, but you must make sure you follow the correct guidelines for co-sleeping.)

After setting up your baby’s sleep space you may want to take a few other things into consideration:

1. Darkness: Make sure the room is dark, and shades are closed for naps and night. While you don’t need to go out and purchase the most expensive black-out shades, (you can purchase temporary shades, or put up aluminum foil or a plastic table cloth), I do recommend closing the curtains during nap time to make it darker and so your child knows it’s “time to go to sleep.” For the older kids (2 years old and up), you may want to put a small little night light as they may scared of the dark.

2. Temperature: Research suggests the ideal room temperature should be between 68-72 F. I full recognize that for some that can be too cold, depending on where you live and how you use your ac (or not). Take into account that your child won’t be using blankets and doesn’t have the body warmth of someone sleeping next to them. Take a look at the air vents, is the room small or big, does the room warm up with the sunshine during the day?

3. Music: During those first few months, you can have soft lullaby and music playing throughout the day, as this can help them distinguish night vs day. But as your child gets older, it’s better not to have the music playing while they sleep, as it can distract them and even cause more of the light sleep.

4. White Noise Machine: This is definitely my favorite part of the sleep space. If you have other children in the house, a loud dog, or live on a noisy street, the white noise machine really helps drown out the exterior noise. It is recommended to have it on a medium to low setting, not so close to the crib, and on the whole time your child is sleeping. Check out a few of my favorites here.

5. Mobiles: These are OK to use the first few months. It’s great for entertaining and relaxing your newborn. However, I don’t usually suggest keeping them once your child is 5 months or older. As your child gets older, the mobile can become a safety issue when he starts standing and pulling on it. Mobiles can also cause a distraction. Too much noise and sound can actually distract and stimulate your baby, rather than relax and get him ready to sleep.

6. Pillows, blankets, and bumpers: None of these are suggested to have in the crib if your child is under the age of 12 months. Some parents choose to use mesh bumpers or even individual railing bumpers. Pillow and blankets are not needed and they should wait until he is closer to 3 years old to use them.

7. Bed railing: If your child is in a bed, it is important to have a bed railing on the side. Most toddler beds come with one, but the bigger beds don’t.

If you have specific questions on your child’s sleep space, let’s talk!

My Baby Is Sick And Now His Sleep Is Falling Apart...

I often get calls from parents who have fallen into a major regression from a small cold their child had months ago. Unfortunately, our kids will get sick many more times than we’d like and many times, depending on how sick they are, schedules, routines, and even sleep will fall apart. However, it doesn’t always have to be that case!

What to do when your child is sick

• Even when your child is sick, it is suggested to put your child down awake at bedtime.  Chances are, even though he is feeling sick, he will still be able to go down into the crib awake and put himself to sleep. Being able to fall asleep on his own makes his job of moving through sleep cycles in the middle of the night much easier. 

• If your child wakes up in the middle of the night (more then just moaning and fussing and then falling back to sleep relatively quickly) when he is sick, always respond because this is the only way you will know if there is something that needs more intervention.  Maybe he has a fever or has thrown up.  I always recommend doing a parenting check when children who, otherwise sleep well, suddenly wake in the middle of the night.

• If you have to do something to help your child be more comfortable in the middle of the night, you can! Sometimes with a coughing spell they need to be held upright, or with a fever, he may need Tylenol. As your child starts to feel a bit better, try putting him back in his bed so he can put himself back to sleep. In many cases, when children are good sleepers and are most comfortable in their own bed, they actually want to go back to bed after a wake up due to illness. 

• If your child is so sick that you feel like you can’t leave him on his own, I always recommend staying in your child’s room with him rather then bringing him to your bed.  While putting your child in your bed to sleep may not cause a problem if it happens once or twice, as he gets older, this can become a habit that is harder to break once he is feeling better.  I always say, it’s easier to remove yourself from his room, but not the other way around.

• If whatever illness your child has come down with is so miserable that any form of independent sleep throughout the illness is out of the question and you need to provide far more assistance with sleep then you normally would, then you will have a bit of work to dig yourself back out of the “illness hole” that you may have fallen into once your child recovers.  I find that the farther you fall, so to speak, the harder it is to get back on track.  For example, if your child was previously sleeping entirely independently before the illness and now has become accustomed to being held to sleep at bedtime and needs help going back to sleep overnight, you will have a harder climb to get on track. Once you are feeling confident that your child is feeling better, you will want to work on getting things back on track as quickly as possible!!! This may mean you need to return to whatever sleep training methods you used if you previously sleep trained your child.  While you will likely be met with some resistance initially, when your child remembers that you will respond consistently, things will start to improve and you will have your champion sleeper back. 

Have you found yourself in a “sickness regression”? Has it been weeks or months since your child is feeling better, yet sleep still isn’t restored? Call me and let’s talk!

How Much Sleep Does My Baby Need?

Day sleep is so important for our little ones! Not only do they need to rest their little bodies and minds, they also need to get in good day sleep in order to get in good night sleep. Studies show that if your child is taking short catnaps, that is less than 45 minutes where she isn’t reaching the deep sleep (Non-REM), chances are she will wake frequently have interrupted sleep at night. This is where the phrase “Sleep Begets Sleep” comes from.

But how much should my baby sleeping? It really all depends on her age. When they are younger they need more day sleep, and have less awake windows. As they get older, their awake window increases (meaning they can be awake for longer periods of time), and will need less day sleep overall. The most important thing to know is that your little one will need to nap up until the age of about 3-4 years old.

Here’s a friendly chart to help guide you with your child and her naps those first few years:

Age Wakefulness Window Number of Naps Total Daytime Sleep

0 – 5 Months 0 – 1.5 Hours 4 – 5 a day 8 Hours

6 - 8 Months 2 – 3 Hours 3 a day 3.5 Hours

9 – 11 Months 3 – 3.5 Hours 2 a day 3 Hours

12 – 18 Months 4 – 5.5 Hours 1 – 2 a day 2.5 Hours

2 Years 5.5 - 6 Hours 1 a day 2 Hours

3 Years 6 – 12 Hours 1 a day 1 Hour

4 Years 6 – 12 Hours 1 a day or quiet time 0 - 45 minutes